8/31/09
to say the truth....i really nid someone now....not juz there for a couple of hours...walking malls and streets....juz someone....to like...be present....for a day...juz sitting there...listening....
i noe i'm really really f'ed up....hell emo....and tons of sadness...
i've been waitin for a reply from you about the date....but heys....i cant blame u for being too busy...juz blame my rotten luck....
to say the truth, i nid some gal....some gal hu can juz sit there for a day and comfort me....
really.....
but enough wif the emo thoughts.... 2dae was great....everyting went well.....its like..a break from sadness.... haha.....well.....visting old frenz...seeing them juz makes me laugh....
1mp3rf3t10n
Some gal who can just be there. Hoping, that it would be you.
posted at 8/31/2009
8/30/09
ok...this post is to do some stuff so yea....
for Ruth:
Erm, the times for which i'll be free.... its kinda troublesome to like post the whole thing on ur cbox, so i'll post it here
Mon-1130(I know you wont be able to make it but I'll still put it up)
Tues- Whole day free [holiday](I know you wont be able to make it but I'll still put it up)
Weds-1430[gotta run back to sch for more lessons by 1510]
Thurs-1430
Fri-1230(I know you wont be able to make it but I'll still put it up)
Sat-1300
I cant on Sun and about the Weds and Thurs timeslot, i'm gonna nid you to wait outside my sch....makes things alot better and faster for me, weds is necessary but thurs, i can make a few adjustments
for Rytha:
Mon, i'll do it for you. But everything's GOTTA come clean
for Scott:
08/09/09 is on....but giv me ideas on wat to bring
ok....tat's all....now a bit of reflection....
i noe i've gotta stop all these weird and nasty tings...but heys.... i'm trying but juz cant see the bright side of my life... i noe there are others out there worse then me....100 times worse...but now, i'm juz to clouded to see it.....
wat i'm clouded by:
Jealousy, Love, Hate, Self-pity, Centeredness......
i can get it off my mind....
i dunno man....maybe i juz nid someone by my side for now, someone hu i can really rely on.....
i noe i got Scott and Syaf, but tat aint enough.....
1mp3rf3t10n
Abit of a messed up life,somewhat.
posted at 8/30/2009
8/29/09
first of all...i wanna congrat Ruth... you've managed to like.... scold vulgarities back at him!!!!!!!that's an improvement!!!!!!
i wish you luck in 4gting him....
actually...i've been tinking if we WILL ever be 2gt.... its like...almost impossible...
its not tat i dun wish to wait....neither do i wish to fight....neither is it ur prob....but...there's juz an invisible force telling me to stop....i wont.... i'm holding on to this small happiness i can find....
i actually noe its gonna be tough to even getting tat position in ur heart.... i will keep trying.... but should i ever fail....
den i wish you luck wif tat guy you would love whole heartedly....and juz be at the sidelines watching......
1mp3rf3t10n
Should you find happiness in someone else, I congratulate you.
posted at 8/29/2009
8/28/09
haha.... looks like that day is gonna be on a tues/thurs...now hoping its tues.....
but heys! tat leaves mon free to visit my sch!!!!!!
haha....lets see....NLPS,lodge....LAHALHAHALHA
boredom....
sigh....still tinking of him eh?
1mp3rf3t10n
Lunch is gonna be soo exciting!
posted at 8/28/2009
8/27/09
short tempers are coming....,
mood swings are happening....
i aint caring anymore.... i most probably will pon scouts tml...i dun wanna torture the innocent....
my mom:
'bitch bitch~~ ur work~~~ blah blah'
ok fine...do do do...
Rytha:
'my life....my relationship..blah blah...coz u my bro'
orh....might as well comfort you.....
Syafiq:
'Lah lah lah...no rank dun talk...lah lah lah... dunno how run troop....'
fine... you run on ur own...hav fun in ur gulak camp....
no one's ever gonna ask me 'how's it going?' wen every night, i risk my comp.. looking at everyone's blog to make sure everyone is ok....
and this is the treatment i get... i'm trying to accommodate everyone... i'm hell slp deprived...i dun dare to slp in...least the flags are left unsupervised....
not even a word of thx...not a slight notion... all i'm left wif is myself all the time....
all will tink i'm hell stupid...i got all these to myself....
ok fine... i did...but anyone noes the reason behind every mistake i do??? i try to repay..it not that i dont wish to....i juz fuck up....
juz like my lil fucked up drama life.....
sometimes....death seems all so welcoming.....
1mp3rf3t10n
Who knows? The world might cheer when they see my picture in the obituary section in the papers.
posted at 8/27/2009
8/26/09
haha...i figured this skin doesnt post the title...(known a long time) but for this time, i'll say the title.
title's -Untitled-
haha....basically marks out my life.
you noe 'Paint'? yea...the software installed in basically every Windows computer? yea...tat...every startin file is called the 'Untitled' file? i see my life tat way...its always restarting...
its only a sooner or l8r ting b4 i start cuttin again.... i'm scratching myself for now....nails are long enough to leave blood stained scratched marks... reminder: get a penknife soon....
a.k.a i'm going emo again....sigh.... once emo always emo eh?
so here's the deal on others lives...
Rytha: Broke up wif Sean (Sean called it)
Sean: Broke up wif Rytha (he called it. suspected to be going after a girl named nat)
Ruth: haha....good times for her, though piled by work
Evangeline: having great times in a relationships.
Scott: What'sup bro!!!!!!!
Syafiq: Same old same old.
Caroline: Not too sure. Haven't talked to her in weeks!!!!!!
haha...me? well...basically still love sick, still waiting. erm.....still not handing work, still not treating scouts as a first thing basis.
sigh.... ppl cant be worse then me...so put me as a contrast in ur life, and appreciate wat u are having. I'm appreciating my life as it is....so u must too....
1mp3rf3t10n
Untitled
posted at 8/26/2009
8/25/09
a few question to ask myself these days....
1. Should I still blog? It seems like a good way to release pent up stress...but...it might hurt others....
2. What the HELL have I been doing?
Lets see...basic schedule.... read everyone's blog...check is everyone is ok.... hope and pray to chat to her..... go facebook check updates....
3. Am I gonna change that schedule?
No. Unless sth crops up....
4. How's life?
Crappy.... sigh....
5. Hopes?
Ruth....that's all....
haha.... self reminder post here....^^
1mp3rf3t10n
Sometimes, we should just sit down. Drink a cup of coffee and ask ourselves why are we here.
posted at 8/25/2009
8/24/09
is the clouds going in??? is my days gonna get better???
i'm clinging on the this hope...for i'm finally meeting u again....making this the 5th meetin.... haha....yea...i'm actually counting....guess not a really good thing eh???
but buying u lunch is all i can do... i'm juz another bro to u....nothing more...
if its better this way...lets leave it as it is....
but i'm always waiting for the day to change...where i can be sth more then a bro.....
1mp3rf3t10n
Days are getting better? Hopefully.
posted at 8/24/2009
8/22/09
i realised tat...not many...actually noe me.
i noe...wat u guys see.... is actually a very happy horny boy....hu goes around kp ppl he doesn't like....very unreasonable at times....
he's madly in love wif someone.... he doesnt care wat his family is doing.... he doesn't give a fart on wat happens to his frenz.... he juz wans tings his way....
i would say part of it is true..... maybe the lower part (some)
but i actually have this thing to say to all....
quoted from Venom Vs Carnage.
reason i putting a second post....was becoz the first post was to release anger....
i'm a fucked up....lil arrogant snob....i noe.........
1mp3rf3t10n
'Underneath that skin tight outfit is a scared little boy.'
posted at 8/22/2009
FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!
I DUN REALLY NOE GOD FUCK!
fucking hell.... wat the hell is wrong!!!!! WHY DOES THIS DOWNWARD SLOPE IN LIFE NVR GOT UP!!!!!!!
all i wish.... its juz the exact opposite!!!! You said that all will be forgiven... i'm not am i?! my sin are juz to deep isn't it... God... juz bitch....
hell srry to all Christians reading this... to say the truth... the only times i've prayed...is to ask for the protection of all others... i dun care if i'm damned by You.... i dun care if i go to hell or anywhere.... juz get all safe...all to be happy....all to have peace.....
but noo...... all You gave them (to Rytha to be specific) is the DAMNED PIECE OF BITTER PIE!!!!!
i flared up...scolded her...and she tinks i'm unreasonable....... i dun noe man..... y must i lose temper wen all the time...i was able to keep cool.......
i guess its the end...i cant take wat u shove to me...Rytha.... i've been by ur side for the tings i've screwed up for u....but....YOU KEEP BITCHIN TAT YOU CANT SEE HIM.... THINK FOR HELL'S SAKE!!!!! YOU MEET HIM FOR MONTHS!!!!!!!! WAYYY B4 I EVEN LIKED RUTH!!!!!!
MONTHS!!!!!!!!!! I'VE MET RUTH ONLY 4 TIMES!!!!!!!! YOU MAY BE DIFFERENT COZ YOU ARE IN A RELATIONSHIP....BUT FUCK!!! WAT'S TRULY THE BIG DIFFERENCE???? A RELATIONSHIP IS STH YOU ARE IN...BUT ITS STILL LOVE... you cant meet hu you love...which is sean... ISN'T IT THE SAME ALRDY?!I CANT MEET HU I LOVE!!!!!!!!!! THAT'S RUTH!!!!!
OPEN YOUR EYES RYTHA!!!!!!!!!! JUZ OPEN IT!!!!! STOP LOOKING HOW YOUR LIFE IS WORSE THEN OTHERS!!!!!!!!!! THERE ARE ALWAYS PPL WORSE THEN YOU!!!!!!!!!!
i was unreasonable?! then think.... HU GAVE YOU THE GAMES IN THE ARCADE TODAY.... but you didn't tink wat hav happened to me wen u din see me again.... you came out....said...'they can't let you in arh????' ISN'T IT FUCKING OBVIOUS?!?!?! OF COZ I'LL START TO FLARE UP....... THERE WASNT EVEN A SOUND OF SRRY!!!!!!! YOU JUZ LOOKED AT ME....KEEP LOOKING AT ME WIF THOSE FUCKED UP CRYING EYES...HOPING I'LL STOP COZ I WILL TINK YOU'RE ALRDY WORSE THEN ME......THEN RUN OFF....COZ I FLARE UP WIF YOU!!!!
I DIN EAT COZ I PAID FOR YOUR MEAL..hav any idea how hungry i am typing this msg?????..... I PAID YOUR ACARDE GAME WIF THE MONEY I WAS SUPPOSE TO SAVE UP FOR CHALET..... I BROUGHT OUT MY SAVINGS COZ I WANTED TO BUY A YOYO.... I BOUGHT IT....BUT I WASN'T GONNA SPEND THE REMAINING......
MUST YOU TREAT ME LIKE TAT???? like some guy....who's suppose to pay everything for you????? i'm juz a stand in for sean right?! fuck off....i aint gonna be like tat for long.... i spent 200+ on you...AN AMOUNT TAT'S SEAN SUPPOSE TO.....
i dun even noe wat i am to u.....you say bro....i hav my doubts...you treat me like dirt......
1mp3rf3t10n
You pissed me off too much.
posted at 8/22/2009
8/21/09
ARGGH!!!!!!!!
I'M SCREWIN UP EVERYTHING I'VE! WHY!?! FUCK!!!
firstly... scouts... i juz cant stand the way its being operated!!!!!!!!!!! BADGES BADGES BADGES!!!
FUCK IT MAN!!!!!!!! I JOINED COZ OF WHAT IT PROMISED! True friendship shining through! TRUE SKILLS BEING TESTED.... not sayin i'm all good and all....... y are there even ranks?! Baden Powell said there aint ranks in scouts... juz leaders!
then...my academics....
sigh...my mind is on alot now....i might seem all well...but guess im not eh? haha....wat to do?... juz laugh it off....laughing at myself being unable to balance anything....
my personal life is also being disrupted...
sigh....
i really juz wanna meet you and play wif you for a awhile...even as a friend....but i guess you're juz too busy....
speaking to all bros and sis tat hav read this post...i'm planning a bike trip on the 7/9/09....all interested plz tag
1mp3rf3t10n
As how you would put indescribable words, 'jaskdjalhfeih'
posted at 8/21/2009
8/18/09
hello everyone!!!!!!!! postin in sch now... kinda brought comp over...XD
JK currently playing wif tennis racket and paper ball....
jun yang screaming his ass off....
haha....typical 3e3..... XD
damn bored....zzz
1mp3rf3t10n
School's fun!!! NOT!
posted at 8/18/2009
thx to all hu's helping me....
but...i tell u its no point....
a person hu's given himself up....is as good as left for the dogs....
i'll tell u its a lost cause in my case....
if she ever says sth to me in her own mouth... then i might be ok....but now...i'm in the depth of love and hell.........lets juz all rot and die.......
1mp3rf3t10n
Emo? Yeah.
posted at 8/18/2009
8/17/09
.... heys.... this post is gonna be hell emo....so to those hu wans to like....escape? well....clicky the crossy... if not....well....emo is pretty a strong word in this post....
so lets start of.... i could hav easily committed suicide..... coz of all tat i'm going through....
rytha...i dun like to do wat u keep asking me to do... i noe i screwed ur love life up...i'm doing all these for u...as repayment...but...its not all the time i can fulfil them....its juz hell difficult... my contacts might be high...but everyone juz treats me as a pet dog.... even calling me tat.... i dun noe y... i juz wanna help ppl... but....yea...so dun keep coming to me.... i may not help tat much...and dun complain if i din fulfill it... i've always said 'to my best'....my best doesn't mean 100% to ur plan....
and also... the reason i've been unsuccessful in my love life...is coz...i'm concentrating on urs...and u wont let me go...in a way meaning tat u wan me to like....juz overlook everything... i cant do tat all the time....i've got my life... scott and syafiq would say 'why bother helping her?' i say its for my sis...but in my heart...the same question goes on and on....you'll juz complain bout ur life...saying ur life is all so bad cause u cant meet him.... BE THANKFUL YOUR MEETINGS AREN'T CONFINED TO JUZ 4 DAYS.... u saying tat juz makes it worse.....
i dunno....
my life's all screwed up
Sch Life [x]
love life [x]
friendships [x]
personal life [x]
cca life [x]
after life [x]
that's how screwed up my life is....
i noe i'm hell juz a waste of space in this world... i noe i'm worthless... i noe i'm juz.... hell stupid...and crazy...and too imperfect....and cant do anything right... i noe all tat.... but....nvm....i guess u guys juz tink tat i...am a happy go lucky boy... hu smiles at all tat is said to him....tinks tat words spoken to him is a joke.....
i'm screwed up coz i broke all under 18 laws... i dun care if the police catches me for this... like hell i would.... y would i anyway...
i'm screwed up in sch coz everyone tinks...i'm juz a tissue paper...used and thrown... like all my friends....except syafiq.....
i'm screwed up coz i cant even get any (ANY) of the girls tat i like....
i'm screwed up coz my personal time has been taken from me....
i'm screwed up...coz my cca tinks i'm juz takin everything wrongly...and aggressive while at tat....and tat i wont change my tinking....
i'm screwed up...coz i'm half demon and juz playing around too much with the will of Him....
i dun giv shit.... i could hav easily jumped ever since Ms Choy said i'm juz a worthless person... 'What should we do with this kind of people?!' hell.... kill them all... i'm more then willing to die.... but i wont let it be taken easily... i still hav someone i love...too much.... and still hav yet to be with her....
but should she ever be with some other guy... heh... i juz sign the devil's pact...and make myself scarce from this world so tat i'll nvr bother/interfere/destroy/irritate/kill/take away the time of someone's life....
and ruth...should you ever read this...thank you...for keeping me alive...and all...
dun worry bout me....i've always been alone... this is juz a short time period....
i promised i'll still smile..din i?
^^
i may sound foolish waiting....but i still will.....
1mp3rf3t10n
I know, the world wants rid of me. Who welcomes the a good-for-nothing person anyways.
posted at 8/17/2009
8/15/09
hm.... reflecting on my life... wondering...whether are things brought upon by myself (dun comment bout this sentence.... i noe eng fail...)
so lets start wif a small ting first....
erm.... sch....
well.. i guess i really did screw up my sch life... wif my class and all.... sigh.... maybe.... so maybe i'll hav to solo this whole sch life out....
then my frenz...
i'm putting you guys above everything... EVERYTHING.... dun disappoint me... i may seem like i'm kping you (ok...maybe i am at david during scouts...hell srry... but yea.... i dun like to make my bros wait... i'll do the same wen ur the waiter... )
then rytha...
ok... i agree then.... i did cause all this troubles to u....and i'm making it up... for everything.... but its to my limits.... i'm hell srry.... if wat i cant do...leads to a hell big disappointment....
oh... and something to tell u.... wen i'm out wif my mom... dun call me...unless really really REALLY urgent... if there are awkward silences during our convo on the phone.... i'm wif my mom.... but if u're admitted to the hospital or sth... CALL AND INFORM IMMEDIATELY.....
if u go according to this... my mom's impression on you might (might) jux change....
loving ruth is sth i definitely got myself into... and its really nice.... cox... being able to believe in that ting known as love... i've fallen out of that tinking b4...and hell...does it feel extremely lonely... and depressed..... actually...i went emo for a while cox of it.... so hell yea.... i'm really really thankful to u....
and montfort knights... actually... david.... erm... i dunno how to put it.... but... i kinda feel abit...disappointed... i noe i aint in the position to say this...i dunno the sop of ur scouts... but.... i feel...(my opinion....) tat....i aint the only one hu's all power hungry... and actually... i believe that....alot of the sec 3s.... tink tat jux becoz of rank.... they can do however they like....
i hope to change this tinking.... the reason i feel like this, is coz tat they keep sayin... that juz coz i noe rank.. they can command me around....
i noe i'm hell soft and all.... i'll toughen up.... but juz becoz i din attend pltc.... juz becoz i'm stuck not being able to be promoted.... they hav the rights to boss me around... i dun tink so....
i dun really wish to see montfort knights... being proud becoz of the badges they wear... i wan them to be proud... of the frenz they hav.... of the bonds the share...
i truly believe... scouts is not all bout discipline.. not about pioneering... not about NPC.. not bout ranks... scouts is about.. Unity... Strength in Unity....
Baden Powell stated tat scouts hav no ranks... we are all one and same.... but there are leaders... however... u must come down...and be wif the lower people... so u can actually rule them well... as they will know tat YOU noe how they feel if u giv them the job....
1mp3rf3t10n
Reflection.
posted at 8/15/2009
8/13/09
XDXD.... i realised something really REALLY coincidental...
ok first off.... lets start wif this...
there are 4 closest 'sis' to me....
from youngest to oldest, they are
1)Evangeline
2)Rytha
3)Ruth
4)Caroline
now... to tell u the coincidental part....
the one's hu got sick...order is from first to last
1)Evangeline (flu... i tink??? she was on a 6 days mc)
2)Rytha (admitted to hospital....stomach virus....currently 7days mc)
3)Ruth (h1n1.... 3 day mc)
XDXD..... but mustn't laugh at their suffering....
then there is life for me these days too.....
thur's has turn into a cook out day for me.... green tea peppermint is back so i'm drinking it again.... top 10 of my fav drinks.....
and also...praying for both Rytha and you.... GET WELL SOON MY SIS(S) (put it like that coz siss would look weird)
and also my loved one...^^
i noe i shouldn't still feel the same.... but i still do... i dun care anymore...jux hang on.... for i've hung for a longer time period b4.....
1mp3rf3t10n
Coincidence??? HAHA
posted at 8/13/2009
8/11/09
so we made this bet.... this deal actually....
she keeps her smile on....i'll keep mine....
XD....
and rytha's gonna be discharged tml.... all starts well ends well.....
so.... one down...other to go....
lets play the waiting game....
1mp3rf3t10n
Waiting for you. Never gonna give up till I see you in someone's arms.
posted at 8/11/2009
8/6/09
tings are heating again... great....
we'll see wat we can do...i'm not to interrupt so dun blame me lil sis....
and ruth...dun blame me...i cant really tink of u...though i still love you for the whole world to noe....
1mp3rf3t10n
Syafiq asked me not to interrupt, I'll just be here to comfort you.
posted at 8/06/2009
8/4/09
hmm...lets highlight the good points 2dae....
wore full u and was in the hot sun wif scouts...haha.... fun....though sweaty.... den called her to check on her.... must be sounding a tiny bit nosey and busybody (somewhat) that's how i felt..... then she called (erm....to say the truth...wasn't expecting it....thought it was mom...so was actually planning to leave it in the pocket.... then saw ur no. on the screen)....XDXD
den the sad part....
i seem so carefree....(not tml....gonna kena scolding by Mr.Tan...XDXD) yet everyone around me is crumbling under pressure.... i hate seeing how i'm standing.....
David's all stressed by scouts not behaving.....
Rytha's pressured by sch
Ruth aint havin a good time herself
Evangeline is on MC and suffering....
ok...maybe the ppl are mostly girls... (MOSTLY....2/4 are anyways....XDXD) but still....it aint a pretty sight.....
i'm still missing you....i'm still tinking of u.... and i cant get it out....coz its impossible to get over ur true love.... especially wen u noe she's suffering...
1mp3rf3t10n
When sadness found you, would you look at it in the eyes, smile and say, 'Hi buddy!' I know I would. I already found Lonely.
posted at 8/04/2009
8/3/09
i'm studying.... now's a small break...so i'll post....XD
i jux lov posting all my memories here.... and hopin it would last all the way till i'm old.... or somewhere there....XD
and of coz.... up to now....i'm still tinking of u..... i cant get over u.... so i'll jux do small lil favours for you..... hehe....
okok....gotta get bac to work.... tests coming up tml.... same number as u.... haha.... i bet u'll nvr noe...best leave it like tat.... ur test probably tougher than mine....dun wanna u worry for me.... hehe....
i noe its stupid to do these here in this blog....jux another chapter of my sins.....
1mp3rf3t10n
Happiness if filling in with every word you spoke to me.
posted at 8/03/2009
8/2/09
kinda happy and sad at the same time....
yesterday was pure maddness.... Mayflower gangshow(no campfire coz of field construction) was fun.... the starting was all-so-boring... (montfort was spelled as monfort AGAIN... troop cheer was stressed) hahax.... everything was according to plan as how they did...PDS... trailer guessing.... dress ups.... slow dance... and songs... LOTS AND LOTS OF SONGS.... haha... the unexpected things should be the light bulb going off and on due to the ppl tripping over the wire... XD...slow dance was tempting to ask a guide to dance... but couldnt muster the courage... maybe holding becoz of...hehe...was first offered a drink by a guide...refused cause was reminded of sth....
then 2dae was a happy lil gathering wif my nanny(she used to take care of me wen i was young)....den she cooked up this scrumptious meal for us.... it was delicious!!!!!! the curry was nice.... the cereal prawns are really nice....
the night after the campfire... that night.... all i could picture...b4 i slp... was u and i... under a spotlight and dancing away.... and i dreamt....not jux that night...but also a few nights before.....bout u.... i was over at ur hse...or room.... and u were in my arms... and we were jux there....sitting.... u were lying down on me..... ur head of my chest... it was all so real....so real.... the hair and everything...
and i woke up.....
1mp3rf3t10n
Would you let me have this one slow dance?
posted at 8/02/2009